Lips to Mouth.

Well, fuck.

It has been yonks since I've fallen asleep in a man's arms.
And I mean that in all sincerity, despite the sarcasm.

I think the last time that happened was at the beginning of 2008, when I was seeing Ryan.

It was just nice to fall asleep like that. I woke up feeling like a million bucks, and his arms were still around me. It was great.

I FEEL GREAT.

Fucking Dream.

I had the most fucked up dream last night.

I was at my high school, and there was this big celebration going on in the cafeteria. Everyone was dressed to the nines. There was a big group of us upstairs in a classroom, getting ready. Among these people just happened to be Alexander Skarsgard aka Eric Northman. He was himself, though, not a vampire.
Anyway, this girl in a BEAUTIFUL gown walks into the room to let us know that we can head downstairs, and I immediately feel ridiculous in what I'm wearing. Her dress is all red and black lace. Mine is red and yellow tinfoil, really. It was a dream, but god, it was just awful.
Anyway.
We get downstairs and everyone is having a good time but me. We are sitting at one of the tables and Alexander starts talking to me. I realize that we're sort of on a date here, and I try to be cordial, but I'm just so upset about everyone else looking so much better than me, that I get up and take off.
I open the doors to get into the hallway from the cafeteria, and it's filled with water. The water doesn't spill into the cafeteria, though, it just stays where it is. I wade in, and the water is immediately up to my shoulders.
I start walking towards the front entrance, but then I realize someone is following me. It's Alexander. There's a slight current so I'm being pushed backward, but I grab onto the lockers and keep going.
He eventually catches up to me, opens a locker, and shoves me in, then gets in with me. The lockers are sort of like the Tardis; they're bigger on the inside.
It's completely dark save for the slits in the locker, and we look out, and there are people searching for us.
Alexander tells me that he thinks I look beautiful, and there isn't anyone else but us here.
He goes to kiss me, but then I wake up.

WTF. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Can't. Breathe.

Brady decided to reply to my ad on Craigslist. I was laughing so hard, I literally almost peed on my bed.


first off let me say that I am a woman. I could tell by your post that youre into that kinda shit, you kinky bitch.
I love to watch gay porn and masturbate with my giant double ended BBD (big black dildo). Ass to ass is the best with hot bitches such as yourself.
I would love to meet you at a random ass park, and grope you in your car. I'm sure you wont be against it once you experience my beyond amazing groping skills. After that I would love to take you back to my place for more groping, and maybe some sexual favors can be exchanged.
I have a strange fetish for life size cardboard cutouts of Luke Skywalker from star wars, and to find a woman with one randomly standing in her bedroom would make me drop to my knees and propose right there. Cats are not my favorite animals, so if you have a big fat one with kitty acne, make sure she stays away from me.
Attached is a picture of me.... I hope we can meet.


She also included a picture.

FAIL.

I thought it would be immensely entertaining to put an ad on Craiglist in the personals section. I didn't lie or anything. I just thought I'd enjoy myself.

I think people on Craiglist need to remember how sarcastic the world is, because THIS guy could learn a lesson:

"You claim to be wickedly intelligent, but you're missing a few key points. First, you shouldn't be joining a gym to meet people. You should be joining to improve your body and health. Second, maybe the issue isn't how you look, but your personality? If you express something about yourself that's interesting, there are people who would be interested in you. Third, are you one of those chubby girls who only wants a 'hot, fit guy'? Maybe you're being a hypocrite? Lastly, are you a virgin who's waiting to get married before having sex? Sorry to break it to you, but that's not something that makes you a top candidate for dating."

Well, good golly Miss MOLLY. I replied:

"Thank you for your words of wisdom. Go write a book. You've educated me so thoroughly in my manner of discord."

And quite thankfully, he replied to that, as well:

"And there's more proof of why you're single, which I touched on. You have a lousy attitude and personality. But go on thinking it's because guys are shallow."

Personally, I think he hit the nail on the head. My attitude is downright lousy, and my GOODNESS do I have a shit personality. Tsk tsk tsk, Cayla. Bad.

This dude has been told he's shallow one too many times, and by GOD, he is going to fucking PROVE that he IS NOT, DAMNIT.

I commend him. I applaud him. My Craigslist ad shows me for what I really am, I guess.

A hypocrite. Darn it all.

Give Into Me.

Oh man, am I upset that MJ is dead.
I used to listen to his songs on repeat when I was in middle school and write stories on my ancient laptop.

I even modeled a character after him in the music video 'Beat It'. His name was Tanke in my story.

I own all of his DVDs, save for 'Moonwalker'.

DAMN YOU, MJ. SERIOUSLY.
I'll be having words with him when I get to Heaven.
And I shall DEMAND he teach me the moonwalk.

Summer fling is under way!
Haha.
This guy loves movies almost as much as I do, except he can't quote them for shit. I think he did one too many drugs in his day, so his brain is a little off center. No matter. He's still hot as hell.

He does this weird thing with his tongue, though, and I think I'm gonna have to work on that. He like... swirls it around. In my mouth.
I am not an icecream cone.

Unfortunately, he isn't very mentally stimulating. I feel like I just have to keep talking because he doesn't say much back. Well, he DOES, but it usually has to do with nothing pertaining or adding to the conversation.
He says he likes hearing me talk.
Well, golly, I love hearing me talk, as well, but that doesn't mean I want to talk ALL THE TIME.

I like guys who have things to say.

He's 24. Win? Oh yeah win. OH. YEAH.

Anyway, he's fun. For now.
When school rolls around, I don't know. I just don't know.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:44:27 AM): i have kiss me through the phone stuck in my head.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:44:35 AM): stupid nighttime driving music.

Spyman5050 (1:51:16 AM): i dunno that song

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:24 AM): good.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:27 AM): you don't want to know that song

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:29 AM): it's horrible.

Spyman5050 (1:51:32 AM): hah

Spyman5050 (1:51:37 AM): is it miley cyrus or something?

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:47 AM): HA. no. it's some rapper r&b something or other.

Spyman5050 (1:51:54 AM): ah

Spyman5050 (1:51:56 AM): ive heard the name

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:59 AM): ah yes

Spyman5050 (1:52:07 AM): im watchin dexter

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:52:16 AM): well, shit, i'll let you get back to that, boo

Spyman5050 (1:52:47 AM): haha

Spyman5050 (1:52:52 AM): its no biggie

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:52:57 AM): it's DEXTER, bryce.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:53:04 AM): you and dexter have an extremely intimate relationship

Spyman5050 (1:53:11 AM): i WISH

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:53:30 AM): haha, exactly. is your boner up to your teeth? i feel like i might be able to see it from here

Spyman5050 (1:54:15 AM): i got a light installed on the top of it too

Spyman5050 (1:54:18 AM): look for that

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:55:09 AM): dang. does that light interfere at all or does it maybe help? i'll bet if dexter saw it he'd be jizzing in his pants

Spyman5050 (1:55:46 AM): its purely for aesthetics

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:56:23 AM): i don't know whether to be disappointed or not

Spyman5050 (1:56:55 AM): why?

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:57:24 AM): A LIGHT ON YOUR PEEN, BRYCE? come on. it's fuckin' classy.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:57:32 AM): and then it's only for aesthetics. psh.

Spyman5050 (1:57:41 AM): well it doesnt do anything!

Spyman5050 (1:57:49 AM): if i turn it to max

Spyman5050 (1:57:54 AM): then i can see how deep im going!

Spyman5050 (1:58:36 AM): ...that...was a joke

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:58:41 AM): haha, i know

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:58:45 AM): i'm arguing with brandon

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:58:51 AM): it interferes with the LAWLStrain

Spyman5050 (1:59:25 AM): gotcha

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:59:38 AM): hmmm, i wonder if you could get a girl's stomach to glow

Spyman5050 (1:59:44 AM): cayla

Spyman5050 (1:59:47 AM): ...

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:59:48 AM): WHAT

Spyman5050 (1:59:51 AM): you dont put your penis in her stomach

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:59:56 AM): you could...

Spyman5050 (2:00:07 AM): mm

Spyman5050 (2:00:12 AM): I couldnt personally

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:00:19 AM): i could.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:00:22 AM): paco peen is fuckin' huge

Spyman5050 (2:00:35 AM): yea youre more endowed than i

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:01:36 AM): golly, paco is just tops

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:01:42 AM): BRYCE

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:01:46 AM): you should watch true blood

Spyman5050 (2:02:01 AM): you mean the twilight tv show?

Spyman5050 (2:02:03 AM): nooo thanks

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:28 AM): twilight...tv...show... WHAT? NO

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:30 AM): i'm gonna kill you

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:37 AM): seriously. rip your guts out. or your intestines.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:39 AM): and strangle you with them

Spyman5050 (2:02:49 AM): hah

Spyman5050 returned at 2:02:52 AM.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:03:21 AM): twilight tv show.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:03:24 AM): you're awful

Spyman5050 (2:03:41 AM): well

Spyman5050 (2:03:44 AM): its a new tv show

Spyman5050 (2:03:45 AM): about vampires

Spyman5050 (2:03:51 AM): myspace is all over it

Spyman5050 (2:03:56 AM): sounds like it to me

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:04:12 AM): well, it's been on for a season already. it's based on the sookie stackhouse novels by charlaine harris. AND THESE VAMPS ARE EGIT

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:04:14 AM): LEGIT*

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:04:19 AM): NOT TWILIGHT. CRETIN.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:08:05 AM): ugh. if you were here, i'd punch you in the shoulder.

Spyman5050 (2:08:13 AM): see

Spyman5050 (2:08:15 AM): i knew you would

Spyman5050 (2:08:22 AM): which is why i planned out this entire night

Spyman5050 (2:08:24 AM): to not be there

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:09:59 AM): i'm gonna build a rocketlauncher

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:02 AM): to come over there

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:05 AM): and punch you in the shoulder

Spyman5050 (2:10:18 AM): the rocket launcher is?

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:21 AM): YEAH

Spyman5050 (2:10:23 AM): or youre gonna rocket yourself over here?

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:30 AM): uhhhhh. hm. good question

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:44 AM): no, i think the rocket is just gonna be shaped like my fist

Spyman5050 (2:10:48 AM): okay

Spyman5050 (2:11:02 AM): you could just chop your whole arm off

Spyman5050 (2:11:05 AM): and send that my way

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:11:14 AM): no you'd use it for other things, like beating children.

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:11:23 AM): and jacking your hog

Spyman5050 (2:12:09 AM): jacking

Spyman5050 (2:12:11 AM): my hog?

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:12:26 AM): yeah

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:15 AM): come on

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:17 AM): rub one out

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:24 AM): MODERN TERMINOLOGY

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:27 AM): IS IT BLOWING YOUR MIND

Spyman5050 (2:16:29 AM): grossssss

Spyman5050 (2:16:36 AM): yer sick!

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:43 AM): hahahahahaha

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:48 AM): this is why i will not chop my arm off

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:06 AM): i have a tiny hand that is useful for many things. and you will not use it to your advantage, sir. no no no

Spyman5050 (2:17:12 AM): cuz youre so filled with gross that bugs would just come spewing out??

Spyman5050 (2:17:17 AM): yea thats what would happen

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:25 AM): what kind of bugs?

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:27 AM): june bugs?

Spyman5050 (2:17:33 AM): gross ones

Spyman5050 (2:17:33 AM): like

Spyman5050 (2:17:34 AM): caterpillars

Spyman5050 (2:17:37 AM): pussy ones

Spyman5050 (2:17:40 AM): PUSsy ones

Spyman5050 (2:17:43 AM): not pussy

Spyman5050 (2:17:44 AM): perv

KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:57 AM): well now i'm totally thinking of vagina caterpillars