Maybe a hero can save us.

I just had one of the best days that I've had in awhile.
I got to sleep in.
I worked, and nobody bitched at me for doing my job.
I looked hot as hell. (Pictures available on MySpace and Facebook)

Oh.

And.

I hung out with Jake.

FUCK.

I don't know what I'm doing.
What am I doing?
WHY AM I DOING THIS?

I think a better question is...
Why do I love him?
Why am I constantly reminded of how much I love him?
Why has he been ALL I can think about for FOUR MONTHS?

And why does he reciprocate?
WHY THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE TO RECIPROCATE?

Ugh. It bothers me.
Anyway.

We all went to Denny's. (Brandon, Mary, Jake, Myself)
We ended up talking about the U-shaped butt poker that Brandon got.
BUTT. POKER. U-SHAPED.
Yeah.
It vibrates.
It's huge.
It's scary.

Anyway.
It was just fucking fun.
And I hated it.

You know those moments where you love it, and you hate that you love it?
THAT WAS ME TONIGHT.

I'm so afraid.
I'm so afraid of how I feel.
But I know the solution.
Just, y'know, don't be alone with him.
I think I can accomplish that quite easily.

Let's move on.

I just wanted to let the world know the following things:

I am 20 years old.
I have trust and intimacy issues because I was sexually forced to do things by a man I trusted with my life about three months ago.
I weigh 175 pounds, and I'm happy about it.
I think I'm beautiful and wonderful just the way I am.
I can be a bully.
I can't write anymore, because I'm so stressed, that I find it physically impossible.
As mentioned before, I'm stressed, although I have no idea why I'm stressed.
I have gray hair.
Cleo is 9 years old, and I'm very, very, very scared that she's going to die before I want her to. I have no idea if I'm going to be able to go on living without her in my life, and I mean that.
I cry a lot.
I haven't gotten my period in three months. Pregnant? No. Stressed? Yes.
I smell good.

That's all, folks!