Well, fuck.
It has been yonks since I've fallen asleep in a man's arms.
And I mean that in all sincerity, despite the sarcasm.
I think the last time that happened was at the beginning of 2008, when I was seeing Ryan.
It was just nice to fall asleep like that. I woke up feeling like a million bucks, and his arms were still around me. It was great.
I FEEL GREAT.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Fucking Dream.
I had the most fucked up dream last night.
I was at my high school, and there was this big celebration going on in the cafeteria. Everyone was dressed to the nines. There was a big group of us upstairs in a classroom, getting ready. Among these people just happened to be Alexander Skarsgard aka Eric Northman. He was himself, though, not a vampire.
Anyway, this girl in a BEAUTIFUL gown walks into the room to let us know that we can head downstairs, and I immediately feel ridiculous in what I'm wearing. Her dress is all red and black lace. Mine is red and yellow tinfoil, really. It was a dream, but god, it was just awful.
Anyway.
We get downstairs and everyone is having a good time but me. We are sitting at one of the tables and Alexander starts talking to me. I realize that we're sort of on a date here, and I try to be cordial, but I'm just so upset about everyone else looking so much better than me, that I get up and take off.
I open the doors to get into the hallway from the cafeteria, and it's filled with water. The water doesn't spill into the cafeteria, though, it just stays where it is. I wade in, and the water is immediately up to my shoulders.
I start walking towards the front entrance, but then I realize someone is following me. It's Alexander. There's a slight current so I'm being pushed backward, but I grab onto the lockers and keep going.
He eventually catches up to me, opens a locker, and shoves me in, then gets in with me. The lockers are sort of like the Tardis; they're bigger on the inside.
It's completely dark save for the slits in the locker, and we look out, and there are people searching for us.
Alexander tells me that he thinks I look beautiful, and there isn't anyone else but us here.
He goes to kiss me, but then I wake up.
WTF. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I was at my high school, and there was this big celebration going on in the cafeteria. Everyone was dressed to the nines. There was a big group of us upstairs in a classroom, getting ready. Among these people just happened to be Alexander Skarsgard aka Eric Northman. He was himself, though, not a vampire.
Anyway, this girl in a BEAUTIFUL gown walks into the room to let us know that we can head downstairs, and I immediately feel ridiculous in what I'm wearing. Her dress is all red and black lace. Mine is red and yellow tinfoil, really. It was a dream, but god, it was just awful.
Anyway.
We get downstairs and everyone is having a good time but me. We are sitting at one of the tables and Alexander starts talking to me. I realize that we're sort of on a date here, and I try to be cordial, but I'm just so upset about everyone else looking so much better than me, that I get up and take off.
I open the doors to get into the hallway from the cafeteria, and it's filled with water. The water doesn't spill into the cafeteria, though, it just stays where it is. I wade in, and the water is immediately up to my shoulders.
I start walking towards the front entrance, but then I realize someone is following me. It's Alexander. There's a slight current so I'm being pushed backward, but I grab onto the lockers and keep going.
He eventually catches up to me, opens a locker, and shoves me in, then gets in with me. The lockers are sort of like the Tardis; they're bigger on the inside.
It's completely dark save for the slits in the locker, and we look out, and there are people searching for us.
Alexander tells me that he thinks I look beautiful, and there isn't anyone else but us here.
He goes to kiss me, but then I wake up.
WTF. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Can't. Breathe.
Brady decided to reply to my ad on Craigslist. I was laughing so hard, I literally almost peed on my bed.
first off let me say that I am a woman. I could tell by your post that youre into that kinda shit, you kinky bitch.
I love to watch gay porn and masturbate with my giant double ended BBD (big black dildo). Ass to ass is the best with hot bitches such as yourself.
I would love to meet you at a random ass park, and grope you in your car. I'm sure you wont be against it once you experience my beyond amazing groping skills. After that I would love to take you back to my place for more groping, and maybe some sexual favors can be exchanged.
I have a strange fetish for life size cardboard cutouts of Luke Skywalker from star wars, and to find a woman with one randomly standing in her bedroom would make me drop to my knees and propose right there. Cats are not my favorite animals, so if you have a big fat one with kitty acne, make sure she stays away from me.
Attached is a picture of me.... I hope we can meet.
She also included a picture.
first off let me say that I am a woman. I could tell by your post that youre into that kinda shit, you kinky bitch.
I love to watch gay porn and masturbate with my giant double ended BBD (big black dildo). Ass to ass is the best with hot bitches such as yourself.
I would love to meet you at a random ass park, and grope you in your car. I'm sure you wont be against it once you experience my beyond amazing groping skills. After that I would love to take you back to my place for more groping, and maybe some sexual favors can be exchanged.
I have a strange fetish for life size cardboard cutouts of Luke Skywalker from star wars, and to find a woman with one randomly standing in her bedroom would make me drop to my knees and propose right there. Cats are not my favorite animals, so if you have a big fat one with kitty acne, make sure she stays away from me.
Attached is a picture of me.... I hope we can meet.
She also included a picture.
Monday, July 20, 2009
FAIL.
I thought it would be immensely entertaining to put an ad on Craiglist in the personals section. I didn't lie or anything. I just thought I'd enjoy myself.
I think people on Craiglist need to remember how sarcastic the world is, because THIS guy could learn a lesson:
"You claim to be wickedly intelligent, but you're missing a few key points. First, you shouldn't be joining a gym to meet people. You should be joining to improve your body and health. Second, maybe the issue isn't how you look, but your personality? If you express something about yourself that's interesting, there are people who would be interested in you. Third, are you one of those chubby girls who only wants a 'hot, fit guy'? Maybe you're being a hypocrite? Lastly, are you a virgin who's waiting to get married before having sex? Sorry to break it to you, but that's not something that makes you a top candidate for dating."
Well, good golly Miss MOLLY. I replied:
"Thank you for your words of wisdom. Go write a book. You've educated me so thoroughly in my manner of discord."
And quite thankfully, he replied to that, as well:
"And there's more proof of why you're single, which I touched on. You have a lousy attitude and personality. But go on thinking it's because guys are shallow."
Personally, I think he hit the nail on the head. My attitude is downright lousy, and my GOODNESS do I have a shit personality. Tsk tsk tsk, Cayla. Bad.
This dude has been told he's shallow one too many times, and by GOD, he is going to fucking PROVE that he IS NOT, DAMNIT.
I commend him. I applaud him. My Craigslist ad shows me for what I really am, I guess.
A hypocrite. Darn it all.
I think people on Craiglist need to remember how sarcastic the world is, because THIS guy could learn a lesson:
"You claim to be wickedly intelligent, but you're missing a few key points. First, you shouldn't be joining a gym to meet people. You should be joining to improve your body and health. Second, maybe the issue isn't how you look, but your personality? If you express something about yourself that's interesting, there are people who would be interested in you. Third, are you one of those chubby girls who only wants a 'hot, fit guy'? Maybe you're being a hypocrite? Lastly, are you a virgin who's waiting to get married before having sex? Sorry to break it to you, but that's not something that makes you a top candidate for dating."
Well, good golly Miss MOLLY. I replied:
"Thank you for your words of wisdom. Go write a book. You've educated me so thoroughly in my manner of discord."
And quite thankfully, he replied to that, as well:
"And there's more proof of why you're single, which I touched on. You have a lousy attitude and personality. But go on thinking it's because guys are shallow."
Personally, I think he hit the nail on the head. My attitude is downright lousy, and my GOODNESS do I have a shit personality. Tsk tsk tsk, Cayla. Bad.
This dude has been told he's shallow one too many times, and by GOD, he is going to fucking PROVE that he IS NOT, DAMNIT.
I commend him. I applaud him. My Craigslist ad shows me for what I really am, I guess.
A hypocrite. Darn it all.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Give Into Me.
Oh man, am I upset that MJ is dead.
I used to listen to his songs on repeat when I was in middle school and write stories on my ancient laptop.
I even modeled a character after him in the music video 'Beat It'. His name was Tanke in my story.
I own all of his DVDs, save for 'Moonwalker'.
DAMN YOU, MJ. SERIOUSLY.
I'll be having words with him when I get to Heaven.
And I shall DEMAND he teach me the moonwalk.
I used to listen to his songs on repeat when I was in middle school and write stories on my ancient laptop.
I even modeled a character after him in the music video 'Beat It'. His name was Tanke in my story.
I own all of his DVDs, save for 'Moonwalker'.
DAMN YOU, MJ. SERIOUSLY.
I'll be having words with him when I get to Heaven.
And I shall DEMAND he teach me the moonwalk.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Summer fling is under way!
Haha.
This guy loves movies almost as much as I do, except he can't quote them for shit. I think he did one too many drugs in his day, so his brain is a little off center. No matter. He's still hot as hell.
He does this weird thing with his tongue, though, and I think I'm gonna have to work on that. He like... swirls it around. In my mouth.
I am not an icecream cone.
Unfortunately, he isn't very mentally stimulating. I feel like I just have to keep talking because he doesn't say much back. Well, he DOES, but it usually has to do with nothing pertaining or adding to the conversation.
He says he likes hearing me talk.
Well, golly, I love hearing me talk, as well, but that doesn't mean I want to talk ALL THE TIME.
I like guys who have things to say.
He's 24. Win? Oh yeah win. OH. YEAH.
Anyway, he's fun. For now.
When school rolls around, I don't know. I just don't know.
Haha.
This guy loves movies almost as much as I do, except he can't quote them for shit. I think he did one too many drugs in his day, so his brain is a little off center. No matter. He's still hot as hell.
He does this weird thing with his tongue, though, and I think I'm gonna have to work on that. He like... swirls it around. In my mouth.
I am not an icecream cone.
Unfortunately, he isn't very mentally stimulating. I feel like I just have to keep talking because he doesn't say much back. Well, he DOES, but it usually has to do with nothing pertaining or adding to the conversation.
He says he likes hearing me talk.
Well, golly, I love hearing me talk, as well, but that doesn't mean I want to talk ALL THE TIME.
I like guys who have things to say.
He's 24. Win? Oh yeah win. OH. YEAH.
Anyway, he's fun. For now.
When school rolls around, I don't know. I just don't know.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:44:27 AM) : i have kiss me through the phone stuck in my head.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:44:35 AM) : stupid nighttime driving music.
Spyman5050 (1:51:16 AM) : i dunno that song
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:24 AM) : good.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:27 AM) : you don't want to know that song
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:29 AM) : it's horrible.
Spyman5050 (1:51:32 AM) : hah
Spyman5050 (1:51:37 AM) : is it miley cyrus or something?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:47 AM) : HA. no. it's some rapper r&b something or other.
Spyman5050 (1:51:54 AM) : ah
Spyman5050 (1:51:56 AM) : ive heard the name
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:51:59 AM) : ah yes
Spyman5050 (1:52:07 AM) : im watchin dexter
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:52:16 AM) : well, shit, i'll let you get back to that, boo
Spyman5050 (1:52:47 AM) : haha
Spyman5050 (1:52:52 AM) : its no biggie
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:52:57 AM) : it's DEXTER, bryce.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:53:04 AM) : you and dexter have an extremely intimate relationship
Spyman5050 (1:53:11 AM) : i WISH
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:53:30 AM) : haha, exactly. is your boner up to your teeth? i feel like i might be able to see it from here
Spyman5050 (1:54:15 AM) : i got a light installed on the top of it too
Spyman5050 (1:54:18 AM) : look for that
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:55:09 AM) : dang. does that light interfere at all or does it maybe help? i'll bet if dexter saw it he'd be jizzing in his pants
Spyman5050 (1:55:46 AM) : its purely for aesthetics
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:56:23 AM) : i don't know whether to be disappointed or not
Spyman5050 (1:56:55 AM) : why?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:57:24 AM) : A LIGHT ON YOUR PEEN, BRYCE? come on. it's fuckin' classy.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:57:32 AM) : and then it's only for aesthetics. psh.
Spyman5050 (1:57:41 AM) : well it doesnt do anything!
Spyman5050 (1:57:49 AM) : if i turn it to max
Spyman5050 (1:57:54 AM) : then i can see how deep im going!
Spyman5050 (1:58:36 AM) : ...that...was a joke
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:58:41 AM) : haha, i know
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:58:45 AM) : i'm arguing with brandon
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:58:51 AM) : it interferes with the LAWLStrain
Spyman5050 (1:59:25 AM) : gotcha
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:59:38 AM) : hmmm, i wonder if you could get a girl's stomach to glow
Spyman5050 (1:59:44 AM) : cayla
Spyman5050 (1:59:47 AM) : ...
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:59:48 AM) : WHAT
Spyman5050 (1:59:51 AM) : you dont put your penis in her stomach
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:59:56 AM) : you could...
Spyman5050 (2:00:07 AM) : mm
Spyman5050 (2:00:12 AM) : I couldnt personally
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:00:19 AM) : i could.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:00:22 AM) : paco peen is fuckin' huge
Spyman5050 (2:00:35 AM) : yea youre more endowed than i
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:01:36 AM) : golly, paco is just tops
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:01:42 AM) : BRYCE
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:01:46 AM) : you should watch true blood
Spyman5050 (2:02:01 AM) : you mean the twilight tv show?
Spyman5050 (2:02:03 AM) : nooo thanks
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:28 AM) : twilight...tv...show... WHAT? NO
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:30 AM) : i'm gonna kill you
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:37 AM) : seriously. rip your guts out. or your intestines.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:02:39 AM) : and strangle you with them
Spyman5050 (2:02:49 AM) : hah
Spyman5050 returned at 2:02:52 AM.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:03:21 AM) : twilight tv show.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:03:24 AM) : you're awful
Spyman5050 (2:03:41 AM) : well
Spyman5050 (2:03:44 AM) : its a new tv show
Spyman5050 (2:03:45 AM) : about vampires
Spyman5050 (2:03:51 AM) : myspace is all over it
Spyman5050 (2:03:56 AM) : sounds like it to me
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:04:12 AM) : well, it's been on for a season already. it's based on the sookie stackhouse novels by charlaine harris. AND THESE VAMPS ARE EGIT
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:04:14 AM) : LEGIT*
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:04:19 AM) : NOT TWILIGHT. CRETIN.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:08:05 AM) : ugh. if you were here, i'd punch you in the shoulder.
Spyman5050 (2:08:13 AM) : see
Spyman5050 (2:08:15 AM) : i knew you would
Spyman5050 (2:08:22 AM) : which is why i planned out this entire night
Spyman5050 (2:08:24 AM) : to not be there
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:09:59 AM) : i'm gonna build a rocketlauncher
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:02 AM) : to come over there
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:05 AM) : and punch you in the shoulder
Spyman5050 (2:10:18 AM) : the rocket launcher is?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:21 AM) : YEAH
Spyman5050 (2:10:23 AM) : or youre gonna rocket yourself over here?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:30 AM) : uhhhhh. hm. good question
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:10:44 AM) : no, i think the rocket is just gonna be shaped like my fist
Spyman5050 (2:10:48 AM) : okay
Spyman5050 (2:11:02 AM) : you could just chop your whole arm off
Spyman5050 (2:11:05 AM) : and send that my way
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:11:14 AM) : no you'd use it for other things, like beating children.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:11:23 AM) : and jacking your hog
Spyman5050 (2:12:09 AM) : jacking
Spyman5050 (2:12:11 AM) : my hog?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:12:26 AM) : yeah
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:15 AM) : come on
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:17 AM) : rub one out
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:24 AM) : MODERN TERMINOLOGY
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:27 AM) : IS IT BLOWING YOUR MIND
Spyman5050 (2:16:29 AM) : grossssss
Spyman5050 (2:16:36 AM) : yer sick!
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:43 AM) : hahahahahaha
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:16:48 AM) : this is why i will not chop my arm off
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:06 AM) : i have a tiny hand that is useful for many things. and you will not use it to your advantage, sir. no no no
Spyman5050 (2:17:12 AM) : cuz youre so filled with gross that bugs would just come spewing out??
Spyman5050 (2:17:17 AM) : yea thats what would happen
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:25 AM) : what kind of bugs?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:27 AM) : june bugs?
Spyman5050 (2:17:33 AM) : gross ones
Spyman5050 (2:17:33 AM) : like
Spyman5050 (2:17:34 AM) : caterpillars
Spyman5050 (2:17:37 AM) : pussy ones
Spyman5050 (2:17:40 AM) : PUSsy ones
Spyman5050 (2:17:43 AM) : not pussy
Spyman5050 (2:17:44 AM) : perv
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (2:17:57 AM) : well now i'm totally thinking of vagina caterpillars
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tired. Sad. Ugh.
Why do people have to be so mean to others? I really don't get. I don't think I ever will.
It's like... there are times when a joke goes on long enough, and then it just isn't funny anymore.
There are times where it's appropriate to say something, and other times where you should act more cordial.
I MEAN, REALLY, PEOPLE. IT ISN'T THAT HARD TO SHOW SOME COMPASSION, IS IT?!
Ugh. I watched my best friend get more and more distressed because some douchebag fucktard was talking a bunch of shit.
He tells people he hates him. OK COOL. But he "only" hates him when he's acting "irrational".
Um... what?
So then, the PROPER response would be something more along the lines of, "We've got some problems. Nunya business."
But golly, wouldn't that be mature. AND WHO WANTS THAT?! EH?!
Anyway.
I am bitchy. I have never been so bitchy or intolerant in my life.
Jake kept telling me he hated me tonight. It was a really funny joke, at first. I even threw in some machete references.
But he just kept doing it. It was so fucking annoying. So we dropped him off.
HA. TAKE THAT. SWINE.
Ugh, why am I so sad?
This fucking fight with Chad has really gotten to me.
I hate it. HATE. IT.
I need a way to get out of this funk.
All I want to do is lay in bed all day and do nothing.
THAT IS NOT OKAY.
It's like... there are times when a joke goes on long enough, and then it just isn't funny anymore.
There are times where it's appropriate to say something, and other times where you should act more cordial.
I MEAN, REALLY, PEOPLE. IT ISN'T THAT HARD TO SHOW SOME COMPASSION, IS IT?!
Ugh. I watched my best friend get more and more distressed because some douchebag fucktard was talking a bunch of shit.
He tells people he hates him. OK COOL. But he "only" hates him when he's acting "irrational".
Um... what?
So then, the PROPER response would be something more along the lines of, "We've got some problems. Nunya business."
But golly, wouldn't that be mature. AND WHO WANTS THAT?! EH?!
Anyway.
I am bitchy. I have never been so bitchy or intolerant in my life.
Jake kept telling me he hated me tonight. It was a really funny joke, at first. I even threw in some machete references.
But he just kept doing it. It was so fucking annoying. So we dropped him off.
HA. TAKE THAT. SWINE.
Ugh, why am I so sad?
This fucking fight with Chad has really gotten to me.
I hate it. HATE. IT.
I need a way to get out of this funk.
All I want to do is lay in bed all day and do nothing.
THAT IS NOT OKAY.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Quarter-Life Crisis.
There are six ways to cure a headache, and then you realize you're fucked.
1. Excedrin
2. Water
3. Sleep
4. Masturbation/Sex
5. Food
6. Caffeine
1. Took 9 total. Didn't do a thing
2. I don't think I could drink any more water. My pee could have been taken directly out of the toilet and would've tasted JUST LIKE IT.
3. I just keep dreaming about aliens. Where is the invasion? I'm waiting patiently.
4. Ah yes. Did that. Not the sex part. But definitely tried to fix this headache with a little alone time. All it did was increase my libido. I'm close to fucking anything that moves now.
5. Oh yeah. Tried that. Made a tuna sandwich when I got home. Fish has Omega-3. Supposed to help headaches. Didn't.
6. Had a Full Throttle tonight and laughed at Asians. Did it cure my headache? No
After much internal debate, I have realized I'm screwed. This perpetual headache is never going to go away, because I can't get laid.
Guys somehow just know that I'm on the brink of desperation. So they laugh and stay as far away as possible.
I hugged a guy tonight, and I got all friggen happy in my pants over it! DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM.
And do you know what I blame it on?
'Gilmore Girls'. And Logan Huntsberger.
I was forbidden to watch that show. I remember why, now.
The worst part? I'm not even PMSing.
Seriously. It's like the last penis that entered my vagina has tainted me.
I'm frustrated in multiple dimensions!
I want to be in a constant state of flux between sobriety and drunken whoreyness.
That means I need vodka, ice cream, a texting party, and possibly some weed.
Oh. And Jensen Ackles in tiny boxer briefs would NOT hurt, AT ALL.
1. Excedrin
2. Water
3. Sleep
4. Masturbation/Sex
5. Food
6. Caffeine
1. Took 9 total. Didn't do a thing
2. I don't think I could drink any more water. My pee could have been taken directly out of the toilet and would've tasted JUST LIKE IT.
3. I just keep dreaming about aliens. Where is the invasion? I'm waiting patiently.
4. Ah yes. Did that. Not the sex part. But definitely tried to fix this headache with a little alone time. All it did was increase my libido. I'm close to fucking anything that moves now.
5. Oh yeah. Tried that. Made a tuna sandwich when I got home. Fish has Omega-3. Supposed to help headaches. Didn't.
6. Had a Full Throttle tonight and laughed at Asians. Did it cure my headache? No
After much internal debate, I have realized I'm screwed. This perpetual headache is never going to go away, because I can't get laid.
Guys somehow just know that I'm on the brink of desperation. So they laugh and stay as far away as possible.
I hugged a guy tonight, and I got all friggen happy in my pants over it! DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM.
And do you know what I blame it on?
'Gilmore Girls'. And Logan Huntsberger.
I was forbidden to watch that show. I remember why, now.
The worst part? I'm not even PMSing.
Seriously. It's like the last penis that entered my vagina has tainted me.
I'm frustrated in multiple dimensions!
I want to be in a constant state of flux between sobriety and drunken whoreyness.
That means I need vodka, ice cream, a texting party, and possibly some weed.
Oh. And Jensen Ackles in tiny boxer briefs would NOT hurt, AT ALL.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Real World.
Reality check.
It's almost 5AM. And I have seriously been fighting with Chad since 2AM.
GOD. WHY.
I love the guy, have since fricken... 2006!
He moves to Oregon. Am I really gonna just... drop everything? Wait around for him? Not date? REALLY?
No. Of course not. But do I still love him? YES.
So much has been revealed tonight.
I was under the impression that if there was any girl for him in MN, it was ME.
What a joke.
No. He chose Kelly. She lives in Chaska. Looks like me, funnily enough.
Well, before I got cool.
Dark hair. Glasses. Adorable. FUCKING GOD.
So, I feel a little inadequate. Is that so wrong? I DON'T THINK SO.
Chad was here about a month and a half ago. Didn't even see me. Wasn't even gonna tell me he was here. I should've known then.
Why am I so stupid?
Well, fine fine fine.
He can go be with her.
I'm just gonna wallow, and I think I'm allowed to.
It's so funny, though, that so much can happen in ONE DAY.
I am extremely overwhelmed.
Apollo finally got my number.
Nick Creamier, Michael Cox, and myself are all hanging out today. (God, I should go to sleep.)
Mark is coming to Minnesota.
Audra is coming to Minnesota.
And Chad chose a girl from MN over me... who also lives in MN.
So. All of this good stuff... and I still feel like shit.
I hate how much power they have over me. Stupid. I need ice cream.
It's almost 5AM. And I have seriously been fighting with Chad since 2AM.
GOD. WHY.
I love the guy, have since fricken... 2006!
He moves to Oregon. Am I really gonna just... drop everything? Wait around for him? Not date? REALLY?
No. Of course not. But do I still love him? YES.
So much has been revealed tonight.
I was under the impression that if there was any girl for him in MN, it was ME.
What a joke.
No. He chose Kelly. She lives in Chaska. Looks like me, funnily enough.
Well, before I got cool.
Dark hair. Glasses. Adorable. FUCKING GOD.
So, I feel a little inadequate. Is that so wrong? I DON'T THINK SO.
Chad was here about a month and a half ago. Didn't even see me. Wasn't even gonna tell me he was here. I should've known then.
Why am I so stupid?
Well, fine fine fine.
He can go be with her.
I'm just gonna wallow, and I think I'm allowed to.
It's so funny, though, that so much can happen in ONE DAY.
I am extremely overwhelmed.
Apollo finally got my number.
Nick Creamier, Michael Cox, and myself are all hanging out today. (God, I should go to sleep.)
Mark is coming to Minnesota.
Audra is coming to Minnesota.
And Chad chose a girl from MN over me... who also lives in MN.
So. All of this good stuff... and I still feel like shit.
I hate how much power they have over me. Stupid. I need ice cream.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Never to come back again.
It's 1:20AM. Where is your head at?
I can tell you where mine is.
It's on men.
I hate them.
They annoy me, frustrate me, make me swoon, make it difficult to think and breathe, make me want to hurt things (mainly small, cute things), they break my heart.
And to top it off! They're completely impossible to live without, both logically and emotionally.
Fucking douchebags.
I can tell you where mine is.
It's on men.
I hate them.
They annoy me, frustrate me, make me swoon, make it difficult to think and breathe, make me want to hurt things (mainly small, cute things), they break my heart.
And to top it off! They're completely impossible to live without, both logically and emotionally.
Fucking douchebags.
Friday, May 1, 2009
"This is top secret. Don't tell me mother."
Haha, so, I registered for my classes for this fall.
I don't have to pay a dime cuz the government is taking care of me, YAYYYY.
Anyway.
I took Intro to Logic, because it covers two of my transfer sections.
I also took Women's Studies because NO THANKS PHYSICS, I'LL PASS. You almost killed me in high school, why on EARTH would I want to endure you again?
Then, I took Child and Adolescent Development... Oh yes, Psychology. How I've missed you.
And last but not least, I took History of Rock and Roll because it covers my Theatre Arts class, and I'm not taking choir or anything related to acting.
Also, Brady said it was a good class.
SO COOL. I'm pretty pumped. Logic will most likely make me never want to write again, but meh.
I almost took Glass Blowing but I feel so stupid when it comes to anything artistic that I'd probably just look like a douchebag in that class.
SO YEAH. I'll skip that for now.
I saw 'Wolverine' tonight.
Um.
First off. They put it up as X-Men 4 on the billboard outside of AMC.
Secondly, it was very blase.
Finally, Gambit was NOT Gambit, but fuck me SIDEWAYS if Taylor Kitsch wasn't beautiful anyway.
I'm gonna go watch bigger and better things now. Like 'Gilmore Girls'. :-D
I don't have to pay a dime cuz the government is taking care of me, YAYYYY.
Anyway.
I took Intro to Logic, because it covers two of my transfer sections.
I also took Women's Studies because NO THANKS PHYSICS, I'LL PASS. You almost killed me in high school, why on EARTH would I want to endure you again?
Then, I took Child and Adolescent Development... Oh yes, Psychology. How I've missed you.
And last but not least, I took History of Rock and Roll because it covers my Theatre Arts class, and I'm not taking choir or anything related to acting.
Also, Brady said it was a good class.
SO COOL. I'm pretty pumped. Logic will most likely make me never want to write again, but meh.
I almost took Glass Blowing but I feel so stupid when it comes to anything artistic that I'd probably just look like a douchebag in that class.
SO YEAH. I'll skip that for now.
I saw 'Wolverine' tonight.
Um.
First off. They put it up as X-Men 4 on the billboard outside of AMC.
Secondly, it was very blase.
Finally, Gambit was NOT Gambit, but fuck me SIDEWAYS if Taylor Kitsch wasn't beautiful anyway.
I'm gonna go watch bigger and better things now. Like 'Gilmore Girls'. :-D
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Well, shit.
As of now, I am content with life.
Work is good, school is almost over.
I got a new phone.
I got a new book.
Yeah.
I have nothing to add.
Work is good, school is almost over.
I got a new phone.
I got a new book.
Yeah.
I have nothing to add.
Monday, April 20, 2009
"I object".
First of all, HOLY SHIT a lot has been happening.
Secondly, HOLY SHIT I didn't even realize that until I typed in the web address to come here and post a blog.
Thirdly, HOLY SHIT it is 5AM and I am still up.
Okay, where to begin?
Hm...
I found an old friend the other day.
He's turned out to be quite an attractive guy.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's much there in the brain department.
Isn't that just awful? He was so fabulous when we were children.
He played Peter Pan with me, for fuck's sake!
...
I suppose that doesn't say much. All kids can run around pretending they can fly.
Mom and I got into a huge tiff on Thursday night.
Like, I was crying for a good hour and a half.
I shouldn't have said a word, really, because of course all she does is nag me about it now.
And I do recall saying, "I don't want to tell you, because then you'll just bitch at me about it for the next three months".
She didn't believe me. Does she ever?
Bryce and I broke things off.
Because he does drugs.
And thinks it's okay to tell me that his friends won't like me because I'm loud and obnoxious.
While BOTH of those are extremely great descriptions of me...
He's known me for three years. And logic might just suggest that if a dude really and truly likes you, the sun shines out your ass regardless of what his friends think.
THEREFORE. See ya later, Bryce. Enjoy destroying your brain cells, and having meaningless relationships for the rest of your life. :-D
I went and saw 'The Miser' on Saturday night with Brandon.
It was absolutely hysterical. I'm going to see it again this weekend.
It's the last weekend to see it, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I also saw '17 Again' on Thursday night.
I am also going to see that again. It really isn't what you'd expect.
In my honest opinion, it's a nerd movie. It's a nerd movie for chicks who think Zac Efron is tops (Basically, me).
I had an epic dream about Zac Efron last night.
I was the girl next door who he came to about his women's troubles until one night, he came over, and said weird things had been happening to him.
Next thing ya know, he's all full of this thing called destiny and there's some prophecy being fulfilled and these giant robotic aliens are chasing us on the freeway and abducting random cars to throw at us. Yes, people were still in them.
Vanessa Hudgens called a lot, and Zac always said something in this foreign tongue.
Methinks that was just my way of coping with the fact that my reality had become so fucking twisted in the dream, that I couldn't tell if Zac Efron WAS actually himself, or just a guy who LOOKED like him.
Anyway, the prophecy said something about me, and Zac was all like, "WTF Cayla. You're in here".
When I read it, I kind of freaked and told him not to read it.
Cuz it basically said we had to procreate. Soon.
But he read it.
And that's the exact time that I woke up.
Isn't it just FUCKING convenient that people always wake up during those pivotal moments? It really pisses me off! RAH.
One Act auditions are today.
...
I'm actually not quite sure if I'll be participating or not.
Last year was such a pain in my ass.
And no offense to anybody, but working with my peers as directors?
It just sort of makes me feel stupid.
And you all know how I feel about feeling stupid.
A big part of me just wants to sleep all day and find a way to get back into that dream...
Oh, and a closing note here:
I hate that I miss Joe Bristlin. That thought haunts me every day.
Because he's been such an incessant dick to me. Just... oh, the douche baggery of him.
And I miss him. It's awful.
Secondly, HOLY SHIT I didn't even realize that until I typed in the web address to come here and post a blog.
Thirdly, HOLY SHIT it is 5AM and I am still up.
Okay, where to begin?
Hm...
I found an old friend the other day.
He's turned out to be quite an attractive guy.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's much there in the brain department.
Isn't that just awful? He was so fabulous when we were children.
He played Peter Pan with me, for fuck's sake!
...
I suppose that doesn't say much. All kids can run around pretending they can fly.
Mom and I got into a huge tiff on Thursday night.
Like, I was crying for a good hour and a half.
I shouldn't have said a word, really, because of course all she does is nag me about it now.
And I do recall saying, "I don't want to tell you, because then you'll just bitch at me about it for the next three months".
She didn't believe me. Does she ever?
Bryce and I broke things off.
Because he does drugs.
And thinks it's okay to tell me that his friends won't like me because I'm loud and obnoxious.
While BOTH of those are extremely great descriptions of me...
He's known me for three years. And logic might just suggest that if a dude really and truly likes you, the sun shines out your ass regardless of what his friends think.
THEREFORE. See ya later, Bryce. Enjoy destroying your brain cells, and having meaningless relationships for the rest of your life. :-D
I went and saw 'The Miser' on Saturday night with Brandon.
It was absolutely hysterical. I'm going to see it again this weekend.
It's the last weekend to see it, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I also saw '17 Again' on Thursday night.
I am also going to see that again. It really isn't what you'd expect.
In my honest opinion, it's a nerd movie. It's a nerd movie for chicks who think Zac Efron is tops (Basically, me).
I had an epic dream about Zac Efron last night.
I was the girl next door who he came to about his women's troubles until one night, he came over, and said weird things had been happening to him.
Next thing ya know, he's all full of this thing called destiny and there's some prophecy being fulfilled and these giant robotic aliens are chasing us on the freeway and abducting random cars to throw at us. Yes, people were still in them.
Vanessa Hudgens called a lot, and Zac always said something in this foreign tongue.
Methinks that was just my way of coping with the fact that my reality had become so fucking twisted in the dream, that I couldn't tell if Zac Efron WAS actually himself, or just a guy who LOOKED like him.
Anyway, the prophecy said something about me, and Zac was all like, "WTF Cayla. You're in here".
When I read it, I kind of freaked and told him not to read it.
Cuz it basically said we had to procreate. Soon.
But he read it.
And that's the exact time that I woke up.
Isn't it just FUCKING convenient that people always wake up during those pivotal moments? It really pisses me off! RAH.
One Act auditions are today.
...
I'm actually not quite sure if I'll be participating or not.
Last year was such a pain in my ass.
And no offense to anybody, but working with my peers as directors?
It just sort of makes me feel stupid.
And you all know how I feel about feeling stupid.
A big part of me just wants to sleep all day and find a way to get back into that dream...
Oh, and a closing note here:
I hate that I miss Joe Bristlin. That thought haunts me every day.
Because he's been such an incessant dick to me. Just... oh, the douche baggery of him.
And I miss him. It's awful.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I am the option. The last minute option.
Ohhh, well, we were all sort of waiting for this post, weren't we?
I am completely and utterly miserable.
I have been for the past few days, as I've come to realize a few things.
I guess I didn't really realize how easily I get attached to the guys I like, but wow, is it kind of overwhelming once I think about it.
I mean, they shouldn't have to assure me 24/7 that they like me, right?
But at the same time, saying things like, "We'll hang. Just. Not a lot" isn't exactly assuring of anything, other than if he gets bored, he'll hit me up.
Why am I never enough?
Why is it that guys fight for me left and right, but the very second they have me within their grasp, and I'm totally all for it... It's like they go on auto-pilot or shut off completely?
I know I'm the one who does this to them now.
It's like the mystery is all gone, and when they see me for who I really am, they're not interested anymore.
That's when they turn into jerks so I'll turn them away. Then they can't really be labeled the bad guy who broke my heart. Again.
But my heart is breaking.
I feel like it's never going to stop, ever.
It starts getting all healed and nice and pretty and full, and then it just gets crushed again.
In retrospect, it all could've been avoided, of course.
If I would've just stuck to my guns with the whole, "I don't date" thing, I would not be in physical agony over this now.
There is just now way he could have liked me as much as he let on.
With things like, "My friends most likely wouldn't like you" and just brushing me off like I'm chopped liver whenever I wanted to see him... it's hard to imagine he thought much of me.
Even now, as I type this, I'm still sort of arguing with him on it.
All he keeps saying is, "Sorry" and "I told you this was going to happen".
He's not fighting for me.
He's not telling me I'm being ridiculous.
Not one guy ever has.
I tell them they're making me feel like shit, I tell them that they're on bullshit, and they immediately tell me, "Ah well. Sorry I fucked up. See ya".
I think the perpetual question in my mind is just always going to be, "Why am I always the option, and never the necessity?"
All of these guys claim that I am soooooooooooooo necessary.
My ex boyfriends, for crying out loud!
But they're lying through their teeth.
It isn't possible. If I was, there would have been a fight.
There would have been some sort of story I could at least tell my friends about later.
But the only stories I have are:
"I told him it was over. He said okay".
"I asked him why he was acting like that. He said I don't know".
"He told me he had something to say, then we sat in a car for an hour in silence".
"He said that he loved me, but if we were a couple, it would take the fire out of it".
"He cheated on me. Didn't even apologize or ask to work things out".
"I told him he was being a jerk. He agreed".
I'm always the rule. Never the exception.
I am completely and utterly miserable.
I have been for the past few days, as I've come to realize a few things.
I guess I didn't really realize how easily I get attached to the guys I like, but wow, is it kind of overwhelming once I think about it.
I mean, they shouldn't have to assure me 24/7 that they like me, right?
But at the same time, saying things like, "We'll hang. Just. Not a lot" isn't exactly assuring of anything, other than if he gets bored, he'll hit me up.
Why am I never enough?
Why is it that guys fight for me left and right, but the very second they have me within their grasp, and I'm totally all for it... It's like they go on auto-pilot or shut off completely?
I know I'm the one who does this to them now.
It's like the mystery is all gone, and when they see me for who I really am, they're not interested anymore.
That's when they turn into jerks so I'll turn them away. Then they can't really be labeled the bad guy who broke my heart. Again.
But my heart is breaking.
I feel like it's never going to stop, ever.
It starts getting all healed and nice and pretty and full, and then it just gets crushed again.
In retrospect, it all could've been avoided, of course.
If I would've just stuck to my guns with the whole, "I don't date" thing, I would not be in physical agony over this now.
There is just now way he could have liked me as much as he let on.
With things like, "My friends most likely wouldn't like you" and just brushing me off like I'm chopped liver whenever I wanted to see him... it's hard to imagine he thought much of me.
Even now, as I type this, I'm still sort of arguing with him on it.
All he keeps saying is, "Sorry" and "I told you this was going to happen".
He's not fighting for me.
He's not telling me I'm being ridiculous.
Not one guy ever has.
I tell them they're making me feel like shit, I tell them that they're on bullshit, and they immediately tell me, "Ah well. Sorry I fucked up. See ya".
I think the perpetual question in my mind is just always going to be, "Why am I always the option, and never the necessity?"
All of these guys claim that I am soooooooooooooo necessary.
My ex boyfriends, for crying out loud!
But they're lying through their teeth.
It isn't possible. If I was, there would have been a fight.
There would have been some sort of story I could at least tell my friends about later.
But the only stories I have are:
"I told him it was over. He said okay".
"I asked him why he was acting like that. He said I don't know".
"He told me he had something to say, then we sat in a car for an hour in silence".
"He said that he loved me, but if we were a couple, it would take the fire out of it".
"He cheated on me. Didn't even apologize or ask to work things out".
"I told him he was being a jerk. He agreed".
I'm always the rule. Never the exception.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Ohhhh Minnesota.
I was going to write a blog chronicling what happened on Saturday night, but Anna wrote it way, way better than I did. So I'm just gonna post her blog here:
On Saturday I saw Margaret Cho perform, as expected she was hilarious/fabulous. I think I can die happy now, I mean I’ve been a fan of hers since I was 8 and the only part of her act I could really “get” was her impression of her mom which will always remind me of my Japanse grandmother, so Saturday was 15 years in the making for me. Which reminds me, thanks to Margaret, I now know that I am “Asian Adjacent”.
In the excitement of going to see Ms. Cho I forgot that she had an opening act (yes, I was that excited) and I was surprised that I’d actually heard of him. When they asked us to welcome Ian Harvie it didn’t click right away, then he said he’s a transman, and then all the puzzles pieces fit; I had seen him on Cat on the Prowl on AfterEllen. After seeing his act, I ‘m pretty sure I’m an Ian Harvie fan.
All of this fabulousness happend in Red Wing, Minnesota at Treasure Island Resort and Casino. I was walking through and noticed the huge amount of Asians, gays, and gay Asians. I told Cayla “Treasure Island’s regulars have never seen so many Asians and queers. I mean some of these guys were probably in WWII, Korea or Vietnam. I love it!”
When we left for our two hour ride home it was dark and raining. Now when we came to the casino we turned left to get in, so when we left we turned right. It was not the right way and by the time we were headed in the right direction (with about 40 other cars behind us that realized they made the same “mistake”) it started to snow heavily. Cayla and I came to conclusion that to get back at us for robbing the natives of their land, they magically switched the roads to fuck with our heads. We also decided they must think that everyone’s got some sort of spirit guide to help figure out the roads, because there are no road signs or street lamps.
The snow was getting a little ridiculous, and Cayla was having a hard time keeping control of the car, so we kept an eye out for a hotel, I spotted a Super 8, but I didn’t notice it soon enough so we didn’t go there. A few minutes later I noticed a motel. I instantly regreted pointing it out. This place was straight outta Psycho I didn’t want to stay there. We knocked on the door and asked how much a room was and he said 50 dollars. Cayla asked if I had 50 dollars, I did but I lied (it was a combination of not wanting to spend 50 bucks and not wanting to stay there), Cayla knew I was lying and I paid.
The room was straight outta 1960 except for the TV which was straight out of 1992ish. We picked our beds and when I turned my covers down I noticed hairs on my sheets. Cayla accused me of being uptight for sleeping in my jeans, oxford shirt, and hoodie. All in all it was horrible. Cayla would argue that it was an adventure and I would argue it was 50 dollars spent to possibly get bed bugs. But seeing Margaret Cho definitely made it worth while.
BTW, it was TOTALLY AN ADVENTURE.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Maaaan, I love this prank.
This is a prank I pulled on Audra last year for April Fool's.
:-D
I LOOOOOOOVE IT.
:-D
I LOOOOOOOVE IT.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:02:48 AM) : audra.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:02:53 AM) : i need to tell you something kind of serious.
KirkisaJ3rk (1:04:03 AM) : what?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:04:34 AM) : i kind of had a serious girl-on-girl encounter this weekend.
KirkisaJ3rk (1:04:44 AM) : ....
KirkisaJ3rk (1:04:45 AM) : with Laura?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:04:50 AM) : yeahhhh.
KirkisaJ3rk (1:05:29 AM) : like...outside of the game?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:06:02 AM) : yeahhhh. on saturday. after the boys left. see, she has this purple vibrator dildo whatev, and she got it when she was dating rob, cuz it was the size of his peen. so i was all, "LEMME SEE". and then we used it.
KirkisaJ3rk (1:06:16 AM) : O.O
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:06:29 AM) : we weren't drunk, though.
KirkisaJ3rk (1:06:30 AM) : JESUS CHRIST
KirkisaJ3rk (1:06:38 AM) : I THOUGHT YOU MEANT LIKE, YOU MADE OUT WITH HER OR SOMETHING
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:06:51 AM) : ohhh, i wish that's all it was.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:07:02 AM) : buuuuut no. i told it was serious, dude. kissing isn't that serious.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:07:16 AM) : using a relatively large purple dildo on each other, while NOT under the influence of alcohol...heh.
KirkisaJ3rk (1:07:34 AM) : Yeah...I mean...wow....well just
KirkisaJ3rk (1:07:36 AM) : I'm speechless.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:07:49 AM) : and i kind of liked it. i mean...with her...i mean...god. yeah. i don't know.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:07:57 AM) : wanna know something else?
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:14 AM) : mm?
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:08:20 AM) : it's april fool's day.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:08:21 AM) : 
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:36 AM) : LADSJFLKASDJF
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:36 AM) : ADF;LSDKJFLK;AJSDF
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:37 AM) : ASDFL;KJASDFL
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:41 AM) : YOU STUPID CUNT
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:08:47 AM) : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:47 AM) : YOU STUPID WHORE AND A HALF
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:48 AM) : I SO BELIEVED THAT
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:48 AM) : GO DIE
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:08:51 AM) : I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING SO HARD
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:08:54 AM) : FOR LIKE
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:55 AM) : GO CRAWL INTO A FUCKING HOLE AND STARVE TO DEATH
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:08:56 AM) : THE PAST FIVE MINUTES
KirkisaJ3rk (1:08:57 AM) : NO. NO. NO
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:09:00 AM) : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
KirkisaJ3rk (1:09:03 AM) : I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR CLITORIS OFF
KirkisaJ3rk (1:09:06 AM) : NO MORE CLITORAL STIMULATION FOR YOU
KirkisaJ3rk (1:09:10 AM) : SEE IF YOU EVER FUCKING ORGASM AGAIN
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:09:15 AM) : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
KirkisaJ3rk (1:09:15 AM) : JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST.
KiSsThEsTaRs8488 (1:09:37 AM) : HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thank you, Jarid. :-D
God, I have the worst day ever, and then Jarid swoops in and is my knight in shining armor.
PsychoPunkTiki (10:22:46 PM) : Well I am getting kicked out of the library soon so I have to get offline, and though it will seem forced I believe this to be true
PsychoPunkTiki (10:22:52 PM) : you are a very unique person to me
PsychoPunkTiki (10:22:59 PM) : which is odd cuz most people don;t stand out
PsychoPunkTiki (10:23:02 PM) : a good unique
PsychoPunkTiki (10:23:06 PM) : you know who you are
PsychoPunkTiki (10:23:14 PM) : I love your hair, even if some have insulted it
PsychoPunkTiki (10:23:23 PM) : I also like you lip piercing
PsychoPunkTiki (10:23:46 PM) : it made me smile the first time I saw you on stage at AR
PsychoPunkTiki (10:24:01 PM) : you do make me laugh eventhough I seem to be all serious most the time
PsychoPunkTiki (10:24:16 PM) : YOu always find a way to make out conversations interesting
PsychoPunkTiki (10:24:43 PM) : I also appreciate that you try to talk to me
PsychoPunkTiki (10:25:01 PM) : when we were at applebees it made me feel very special that even though I was being loud and across the tabe from you
PsychoPunkTiki (10:25:05 PM) : you still said things to me
PsychoPunkTiki (10:25:07 PM) : adn talked to me
PsychoPunkTiki (10:25:16 PM) : though we could barley hear eachother
PsychoPunkTiki (10:25:39 PM) : you have a huge heart and I think that is a rare thing to find in most these days
PsychoPunkTiki (10:25:58 PM) : I know I have failed you cuz you wnated nice things that were most likely lies
PsychoPunkTiki (10:26:05 PM) : but I didn;t lie about any of that
GODDDDD DAMNITTTTTTT.
Why can't there be someone who just tells him how wonderful I am? I've heard that I am, from a few people.
There are so many guys who would just line up to be with me. Why does he have to be the one who likes me, but not enough to care?
I had a bad day.
Most girls experience those, especially when they're PMSing.
Little things set us off, and if nothing or nobody is there to quickly pick up the pieces, we fall apart. But, it's really easy to rectify the situation.
Guys freak out because they think we're these super complicated creatures who will rip their faces off.
But I promise you, that'll only happen if you do NOTHING. You see, we already know, deep down, just how ridiculous and irrational we're being. The real reason we get so crazy is because our hormones are so fucked that we can't calm down.
So guys, takes notes here:
When we are like this, and we tell you to leave us alone, we're lying.
What we really want is for you to show up with chocolate and a shoulder to cry on.
Are we really going to say that?
NO. BECAUSE YOU SHOULD FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES.
Anyway.
I feel like chopped liver.
I have never liked someone this much, and it scares me. Unfortunately, those feelings aren't returned. Not in the same respect, anyway.
I don't think they ever will be, either. I always like them more, or they like me and i don't like them, or vice versa.
Or they like me more and I get put off and run.
I think he's put off.
I think he's running.
FML.
There are so many guys who would just line up to be with me. Why does he have to be the one who likes me, but not enough to care?
I had a bad day.
Most girls experience those, especially when they're PMSing.
Little things set us off, and if nothing or nobody is there to quickly pick up the pieces, we fall apart. But, it's really easy to rectify the situation.
Guys freak out because they think we're these super complicated creatures who will rip their faces off.
But I promise you, that'll only happen if you do NOTHING. You see, we already know, deep down, just how ridiculous and irrational we're being. The real reason we get so crazy is because our hormones are so fucked that we can't calm down.
So guys, takes notes here:
When we are like this, and we tell you to leave us alone, we're lying.
What we really want is for you to show up with chocolate and a shoulder to cry on.
Are we really going to say that?
NO. BECAUSE YOU SHOULD FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES.
Anyway.
I feel like chopped liver.
I have never liked someone this much, and it scares me. Unfortunately, those feelings aren't returned. Not in the same respect, anyway.
I don't think they ever will be, either. I always like them more, or they like me and i don't like them, or vice versa.
Or they like me more and I get put off and run.
I think he's put off.
I think he's running.
FML.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Fate finds you wicked.
I was having a pretty decent day until Ricky got home, I gotta tell ya.
He came screaming into the house, plopped down on my bed, smelling like a dumpster because he never showers, and then said something unimportant, because I don't remember it.
He proceeded to ask repeatedly, at the top of his lungs from the kitchen, whose cake was in the cake holder.
I was not going to reply to that, because my voice hurts a lot today.
Finally, Mom said it was the one I made for Trevor. Ricky said, "Gross", and then I heard nothing.
Mom went back outside to do more work on Ed.
When she came back in, Ricky tried to drop some knowledge on how Ed shouldn't be doing this, how Mom should stop this, how blah blah blah.
Mom told him what Grandpa had told her to do, and Ricky shut up fast about whatever bullshit he'd been spewing only moments before.
Then, he asked if he should take the car.
In my fucking opinion, he's the one who royally fucked Ed in the first place, and after the definitive promise on Sunday that he'd NEVER touch her again, I think the answer should have been no.
Mom's simple response was, "Cayla has work".
Ricky argued for about five minutes on how he could just drop me off, etc etc, and Mom said no.
What I didn't know is that Ricky had the car yesterday for his choir concert, and afterwards when they all went out to eat.
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
This is just beyond me.
But I can't say anything about it, because it's "none of my business".
HOW CAN YOU LET AN IMBECILE WHO DOES EVERYTHING WRONG REPEATEDLY USE THE ONLY CAR WE HAVE?
He has no remorse for it whatsoever.
In fact, he found a way to blame me for it today.
"Whatever, Grandpa should stop spending money on Cayla and buy me a car. Two grand on Cayla for school is bullshit. She's never going to really do anything with her life. She's just using his money up to waste more time doing nothing."
Yep.
My brother.
The one who has failed classes repeatedly, gotten suspended form school too many times to count, has three misdemeanors on his record, constantly disrespects everyone on the planet, is so stupid and blind that he always thinks he's right no matter how wrong he is.
The same one who punches holes in walls and then gets mad at Mom and says she made him do it.
The same one who took the car for two days and drove her around without an ounce of fluid in her and wouldn't bring it home.
The same one who left the car on the side of the road because he was mad at her for dying on him, and then didn't tell anyone, and ignored his calls for the rest of the night.
The same one who doesn't do his laundry, and doesn't clean his room, and calls everyone a nigger.
Yes.
The same exact one who has broken multiple phones, and simply sticks out his hand for a new one and usually gets it.
Ricky asked for a snowboard and snowboarding gear for Christmas.
And that's what he got.
I asked for a Kindle.
I didn't get anything.
I stopped asking for things once Ricky hit puberty.
Because for some reason, Mom will buy him anything and everything to get him to shut up.
But somehow, he's realized that I'm an evil villain who is just taking Grandpa's money to go through college for no damn reason.
It all makes so much sense now.
If this situation doesn't improve by the time we start moving...
I don't know if I'll be going anywhere.
He came screaming into the house, plopped down on my bed, smelling like a dumpster because he never showers, and then said something unimportant, because I don't remember it.
He proceeded to ask repeatedly, at the top of his lungs from the kitchen, whose cake was in the cake holder.
I was not going to reply to that, because my voice hurts a lot today.
Finally, Mom said it was the one I made for Trevor. Ricky said, "Gross", and then I heard nothing.
Mom went back outside to do more work on Ed.
When she came back in, Ricky tried to drop some knowledge on how Ed shouldn't be doing this, how Mom should stop this, how blah blah blah.
Mom told him what Grandpa had told her to do, and Ricky shut up fast about whatever bullshit he'd been spewing only moments before.
Then, he asked if he should take the car.
In my fucking opinion, he's the one who royally fucked Ed in the first place, and after the definitive promise on Sunday that he'd NEVER touch her again, I think the answer should have been no.
Mom's simple response was, "Cayla has work".
Ricky argued for about five minutes on how he could just drop me off, etc etc, and Mom said no.
What I didn't know is that Ricky had the car yesterday for his choir concert, and afterwards when they all went out to eat.
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
This is just beyond me.
But I can't say anything about it, because it's "none of my business".
HOW CAN YOU LET AN IMBECILE WHO DOES EVERYTHING WRONG REPEATEDLY USE THE ONLY CAR WE HAVE?
He has no remorse for it whatsoever.
In fact, he found a way to blame me for it today.
"Whatever, Grandpa should stop spending money on Cayla and buy me a car. Two grand on Cayla for school is bullshit. She's never going to really do anything with her life. She's just using his money up to waste more time doing nothing."
Yep.
My brother.
The one who has failed classes repeatedly, gotten suspended form school too many times to count, has three misdemeanors on his record, constantly disrespects everyone on the planet, is so stupid and blind that he always thinks he's right no matter how wrong he is.
The same one who punches holes in walls and then gets mad at Mom and says she made him do it.
The same one who took the car for two days and drove her around without an ounce of fluid in her and wouldn't bring it home.
The same one who left the car on the side of the road because he was mad at her for dying on him, and then didn't tell anyone, and ignored his calls for the rest of the night.
The same one who doesn't do his laundry, and doesn't clean his room, and calls everyone a nigger.
Yes.
The same exact one who has broken multiple phones, and simply sticks out his hand for a new one and usually gets it.
Ricky asked for a snowboard and snowboarding gear for Christmas.
And that's what he got.
I asked for a Kindle.
I didn't get anything.
I stopped asking for things once Ricky hit puberty.
Because for some reason, Mom will buy him anything and everything to get him to shut up.
But somehow, he's realized that I'm an evil villain who is just taking Grandpa's money to go through college for no damn reason.
It all makes so much sense now.
If this situation doesn't improve by the time we start moving...
I don't know if I'll be going anywhere.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Across The Night.
My mom makes the best roast, I'm telling you.
It just MELTS in your mouth.
Babies, everywheeeeere with this roast.
Anna made me a mix CD. It's mostly weird techno stuff.
I think I should make her a mix CD with mostly screaming stuff.
We can both learn to appreciate the other's music, right?
I checked the population of my sea monkeys today, and there are A LOT.
They're like, overflowing the tank.
I SUCCEED AS A MOM!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I broke two nails today.
Once when I was trying to open the dryer, and the other just sort of followed suit.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK.
I've seen Bryce everyday since Monday, save for Wednesday when I was in Mankato.
I could definitely get used to this. :-D
It just MELTS in your mouth.
Babies, everywheeeeere with this roast.
Anna made me a mix CD. It's mostly weird techno stuff.
I think I should make her a mix CD with mostly screaming stuff.
We can both learn to appreciate the other's music, right?
I checked the population of my sea monkeys today, and there are A LOT.
They're like, overflowing the tank.
I SUCCEED AS A MOM!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I broke two nails today.
Once when I was trying to open the dryer, and the other just sort of followed suit.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK.
I've seen Bryce everyday since Monday, save for Wednesday when I was in Mankato.
I could definitely get used to this. :-D
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
LEOPTIAN!
I walked in the door from Mankato today, went to my room, and there was the man of my dreams laying on my bed.
He was sprawled in a stretched out position, totally exposing his stomach to the world, and absolutely comfortable with it.
He was smiling in his sleep, most likely dreaming of miles and miles of prairie to run through, equipped with hidey holes for him to excavate and master.
Those holes were probably also filled with things that ran through grass.
I dropped my things on the floor and crawled onto the bed next to him, snuggled into him, and whispered, "Leope, I'm home".
His response?
A purr started emanating from his chest.
I fucking love my cat. <3
He was sprawled in a stretched out position, totally exposing his stomach to the world, and absolutely comfortable with it.
He was smiling in his sleep, most likely dreaming of miles and miles of prairie to run through, equipped with hidey holes for him to excavate and master.
Those holes were probably also filled with things that ran through grass.
I dropped my things on the floor and crawled onto the bed next to him, snuggled into him, and whispered, "Leope, I'm home".
His response?
A purr started emanating from his chest.
I fucking love my cat. <3
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen, Good Evening.
I spent the entire night with an incredible man.
He reminded me that not all guys will treat me like shit.
They will treat me as their equal.
And we can have a good time, with no expectations.
Just Kill Bill, a lot of laughs, cuddling, and vegan ribs.
It's nice, y'know?
Especially after the ordeal I experienced on Monday.
I always seem to attract the type, don't I?
That's alright.
I'm at peace with what has happened.
And I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things. :-D
He reminded me that not all guys will treat me like shit.
They will treat me as their equal.
And we can have a good time, with no expectations.
Just Kill Bill, a lot of laughs, cuddling, and vegan ribs.
It's nice, y'know?
Especially after the ordeal I experienced on Monday.
I always seem to attract the type, don't I?
That's alright.
I'm at peace with what has happened.
And I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things. :-D
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Hoppy Bee Pop.
So, the highlight of my day today happened promptly after I walked into work.
I had a note from Robyn, explaining that she couldn't work the 4th, whatevs.
Right before opening the note, I noticed more writing on it.
It read:
Cayla is a dork! But we love her anyway. <3
Of course, I knew this was from Shawna.
And I was correct!
She's the only reason I enjoy working at Image Creator.
Well, her and Stacey.
And occasionally Lisa, when she's there.
Yeah.
It was a great night. I got to dink around at work because Denise is out of town all week. :-D
Unfortunately, I now have a headache that can only be described as treacherous.
Trevor is over.
He's playing some retard Zelda game with Brandon.
I think I may just crawl under the covers and pay them no attention whatsoever.
WHERE IS LUKE?!
I had a note from Robyn, explaining that she couldn't work the 4th, whatevs.
Right before opening the note, I noticed more writing on it.
It read:
Cayla is a dork! But we love her anyway. <3
Of course, I knew this was from Shawna.
And I was correct!
She's the only reason I enjoy working at Image Creator.
Well, her and Stacey.
And occasionally Lisa, when she's there.
Yeah.
It was a great night. I got to dink around at work because Denise is out of town all week. :-D
Unfortunately, I now have a headache that can only be described as treacherous.
Trevor is over.
He's playing some retard Zelda game with Brandon.
I think I may just crawl under the covers and pay them no attention whatsoever.
WHERE IS LUKE?!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A star away from falling apart.
I was sitting in MN History tonight, absently wondering why the fuck we were there because THE SNOW WAS GOING SIDEWAYS, when Professor Mammenga pointed out that the snow was going sideways.
I went, "I was just thinking that!"
Everyone busted a gut.
Then, when we were leaving, someone from another class was walking out at the same time as us, and his papers went EVERYWHERE.
So naturally, I bent down to help him. We laughed a minute about how stupid it was that teachers still handed out pamphlets and whatnot, y'know, small talk.
And when I got up, one of the kids from my class was waiting for me.
It was odd. I was a little put off by it.
In fact, I had no idea what to say. I sort of smiled at him and started walking out the door.
When I was halfway to the car, I realized I had dropped my keys somewhere.
Now, it was sideways snowing, ladies and gentlemen.
And it was cold.
And almost dark.
I was panicking, you could say that.
So, I turn around, and I SHIT YOU NOT, there was the guy.
Picking up my keys from the ground.
And I'm thinking to myself, "Well, fuck. I'm gonna have to offer him sexual services or something, he's such a creep".
Then, he goes, "Cayla? Are you gonna come get these keys or do I have to bring them to you?"
I could barely hear him. Hell, I could be totally wrong at what he said. He could have said, "Cayla, get on this dick or I will shoot you".
Anyway.
I walked the short distance to him, and held out my hand for the keys.
He smiled this HUGE smile, handed them to me, and then said he'd see me later.
Well, I get to the car, and as I go to start it, I notice that there is something attached to my Tinkerbell keychain thing.
It's his number.
His name is Charlie.
God, what a night.
I went, "I was just thinking that!"
Everyone busted a gut.
Then, when we were leaving, someone from another class was walking out at the same time as us, and his papers went EVERYWHERE.
So naturally, I bent down to help him. We laughed a minute about how stupid it was that teachers still handed out pamphlets and whatnot, y'know, small talk.
And when I got up, one of the kids from my class was waiting for me.
It was odd. I was a little put off by it.
In fact, I had no idea what to say. I sort of smiled at him and started walking out the door.
When I was halfway to the car, I realized I had dropped my keys somewhere.
Now, it was sideways snowing, ladies and gentlemen.
And it was cold.
And almost dark.
I was panicking, you could say that.
So, I turn around, and I SHIT YOU NOT, there was the guy.
Picking up my keys from the ground.
And I'm thinking to myself, "Well, fuck. I'm gonna have to offer him sexual services or something, he's such a creep".
Then, he goes, "Cayla? Are you gonna come get these keys or do I have to bring them to you?"
I could barely hear him. Hell, I could be totally wrong at what he said. He could have said, "Cayla, get on this dick or I will shoot you".
Anyway.
I walked the short distance to him, and held out my hand for the keys.
He smiled this HUGE smile, handed them to me, and then said he'd see me later.
Well, I get to the car, and as I go to start it, I notice that there is something attached to my Tinkerbell keychain thing.
It's his number.
His name is Charlie.
God, what a night.
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